Write on.

Have you always been a writer of the macabre?

It strikes me kind of funny, for when I started, I never once thought about writing anything that could be classified as the macabre.  I started out writing newspaper articles and movie reviews.  When I first branched out on my own, I wrote stories about love and goodness and life.  My first novel ~ that still remains hidden away in the closet ~ is about career, growth and struggle, a real coming-of-age book about trying to find a place in this life.  Through that book, I guess I was also trying to find mine.

I'm not sure what turned things around for me.
One day I was all pink and posy ~ and the next, dark and defective.
I remember hearing an author make a suggestion to write about what you know, and I thought I had written that way.  But the truth is, I was never really honest with myself or my work ~ and I think it showed.
I woke up one day and realized I was a fake.  Okay, maybe that's a little harsh.  After all, we all have two sides, just like a coin.  And I had used up all my good.
Now, I needed to pursue the other side.
The dark side.
The one who had been calling to me since my youth.
And I try my best to give it a voice.


Creep on,
~dpb~

Un-ique ?

Have you always known you were a writer? 

I have always felt inadequate in my writing.
Unsure of what I was doing;
Unsure of what to do next.
Unable to determine who I was and how I wanted to be perceived.
I felt my words were unbelievable;
My nightmares unimaginable.
My goals unattainable.

And then one day, I woke up, looked around and said Fuck It.
I started to own who I was and who I am.
I embraced my nightmares;
Began honing my skills;
I owned up to my realities.

Now, this is me.
This is my work.
This is what I love to do.
And I hope you're enjoying the ride, Creepsters.
I know I am.

~dpb~

In the Dark

What is this darkness you speak of?

Darkness is the deficiency of visible light.
Poetically, it is a term used to convey shadows, evil and foreboding.
Religiously, it is referred to as a plague.

At Night Lights Cast Shadows, I use it to refer to my nightmares.
And although I am fortunate enough to share my darkness with you ~
It is still a battle that I must fight alone.
The writing helps clear my head;
The stories you read give my nightmares a life elsewhere ~a home I no longer have to tend to ~
And yet, as one of my stories are read by you; another shadow creeps in to take its place.
An endless struggle it is, but one I am honored to call my own.

We each have our own Darkness which finds us and feeds on us.
We all have that shadow that follows us around ~
haunting us
waiting to consume us.
It takes on many forms.

For the vain;  it's age.
For the alcoholic;  it's the bottle.
For the politician;  it's corruption.
For the glutton;  it's food.
For the hypocrite;  it's self.
For the liar;  it's the truth.
For the worrier;  it's the mind.
For the heart-broken;  it's love.
For the narcissist;  it's the mirror.
For the poet;  it's emotion.
For the writer;  it's the silence.

No matter what its disguise, it's a darkness.
An eventuality you have to confront;
A fear you are forced to master.
A scar to own and remember.

For me it's the nightmares;
A constant gnawing of the brain;
The sleepless nights filled with sadness, sweats and terror.

For my sister;  it's cancer.
For my friend;  it's his childhood.
For my Earth;  it's pollution.

Don't know what your darkness is?
Hide in the light.
Fight it as long as you can...
because it's hungry and it's patient and you are just within it's grasp...

Stay safe, my Creepsters.
Thank you for all the emails, comments, and inquiries.
Creep on ~
dpb

Scary Movies Suck

What's your favorite scary movie? many Creepsters ask me.

Truth be told, I don't like scary movies all that much.
If I do indulge in a horror flick, I will not watch it after the sun goes down, unless I am in the presence of other people ~ even then, it's problematic.  There's just something about the night that makes me question the shadows and their every move.

Seems kind of strange, no?  Here I am, this writer of the macabre.  I should adore any horror movie, revel in the essence of  blood-drenching gore, and in my spare time, study the Necronomicon.
Wrong.

Maybe it's because I spend most of my time (sleeping time) stuck in such a horrific world, that when I awake I want nothing more to do with it.  This doesn't mean I'm not curious about it.  It just means I've become more selective about it.
Every so often, there's a horror movie or a grisly TV show that grabs my attention ~ like a thirst for water, and it must be quenched.

The last thirst I got was for this movie called The Conjuring.  Yeah, I'm sure you've heard of it ~ as it is/was quite popular among the horror genre.  Anyways, I seen it previewed and knew this was to be one of those must-see movies.  So, I dragged my best friend to the theater ~ after his endless protesting (for he gets a little unnerved about the spooky side of things too) ~ certain of the movie's success.

So, we get our tickets, our popcorn and the best seats in the house and we settle in to watch The Conjuring.  Now, sitting there is kind of like being seated on a roller coaster.  You know it's gonna be scary, but just enough scary to spark some adrenaline.  For me, it was to spark some creativity, just enough to see the competition and what they have to offer; just enough that I might have to leave the lights on.  (oh, who am I kidding?  They'll be on regardless.)

Now, if you've seen this movie, then you know it starts out like a good old-fashioned haunting.  It has the scary noises and the unexplainable acts of terror and there's a tormented history to the place ~ every thing's going great.
The popcorn is almost empty;
The seats have hugged us in for the long-haul;
The movie is just the right amount of dark.
But then, it turns evil.

You know the part I'm talking about, right?
One minute the white bedding is hanging out on the clothesline, and the next minute the crucifixes are being placed strategically throughout the house...and the possession starts....
Well, fuck me.
Without pause, I look at my friend, "Let's go."

There is no explanation needed.
No reasoning necessary.
My friend knows me that well, knows my history and knows that I cannot sit through the evil domination that is about to ensue.  (And truth be told, I'm quite sure he's a little more than relieved himself.)
Of course, there is bantering and bullying from him, but hell, I'll take that any day over a demonic possession.
Name calling?  Easy-peasy.
Soul-sucking?  Not so easy to bounce back from.

Anyway, I never did see the ending of The Conjuring.  But I'm guessing it was quite the battle between good and evil.  I'm sure it worked out well for the household in the end - at least I hope so.
My point?
I may be forced to be a conduit of the horrific while I am unconscious and asleep ~
but while I'm awake, I will NOT be taken to that level of insanity.
Not if I can help it.
Never.
Not ever.
I'll stick to the action flicks, thank you.

Till next time, my Creepsters.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for being part of the Night Lights community.

Creep on ~
d.p. bertison

And Nothing But The Truth...

I guess the question I get asked more than anything else is if this whole Night Lights Cast Shadows thing is for real.  And my answer is yes and no.

Yes, I have nightmares.
Not night terrors.
Not night sweats.
Not hallucinations.

Nightmares.
Good old-fashioned bad dreams.
I dream of horrible deaths to people I don't know;
Of strangers without faces and
Of children without a chance.
I dream of rituals, sacrifices, murder and suicide.
I dream of monstrosities that would make most horror fiction blush.
Various creatures stalk my mind and monsters grab tight my imagination.  They creep into my sleep and torture me, causing me a mental pain that is quite hard to even put down into words.
Sometimes, I feel that I am not fully conveying their influence and I hold quite a number of self-pity parties, cursing them on choosing me to haunt.  Then, in my next breath I feel a certain honor that I have been given this endless bounty of hell to deal with, to mold these nightmares into stories and to share them with others.
Is it a gift?  A curse?  A joke?

I've been trying to figure that out for years...

The first nightmare I can remember is from my youth and is one of the most vivid to my memory.
(  Read it here.  )

After that first nightmare, it was all downhill.
One minute I was imitating WWF with my brother and the next, I was struggling just to fall asleep at night.  Looking back, it was an awfully young age to begin such a journey, but hell, others have had rougher childhoods (check out Augusten Burroughs for that) and I tried to put it behind me.
It wasn't until years later that I really began to understand the abnormality of it all.  One day, I woke up and realized that other people weren't having these kinds of dreams and I might want to start taking account of it all.  So, I started writing them down.  And now, I have a collection of journals that reveal all kinds of crazy. This is what I use for my stories on Night Lights Cast Shadows.  This is what I share with you...   an awful truth and a false absurdity.

Yes, I really do have nightmares.
Yet, if you follow this blog closely, I'm sure you realize that most of what I post is up for debate.
Does Bigfoot really exist?  
Are there alien abductions?  
Could unicorns really spark a revolution?

So, I guess this Night Lights Cast Shadows operation is real, at least to me.  It's my outlet and my chance to share my writing and my voice and my crazy with all of you.
If you'd like to, you can feed your crazy by reading more of my nightmares.
Or bookmark my website to stay connected with all of the social networking sites I haunt.

:)

Stay Spooky, my Creepsters.
And thank you for listening.
Thank you for spending a bit of your time with me.

Creep On,
~dpb~